Pharmacy Phun

Walgreen's pharmacy, technician speaking, may I help you?
Well hello there Technician....he he he
I say it because the law requires me to... not because it's my name... please don't call me Technician and then giggle...


(Customer walks up to counter)
Hi, how can I help you?
I need my prescription
Okay...
(Customer continues to stare at me as if trying to communicate through brain waves)
So... are you dropping a new one off or picking one up that's been filled?
Picking up
Okay...
(Staring.....)
What is the name you are picking up for?
Steve
In what world do people file by first name, Steve?!?!?!?
What is the last name Steve?

(Customer pulls up through the dreaded drive-thru, Pick up phone to speak to customer)
Hi, How can I help you?
Silence...
Hello?
More silence and stares....
Ma'am? Can I help you?
I will wait until you get off of the phone....
Um... I'm on the phone with you, it's how I talk to the drive-thru
That little speaker in front of you.... that's where the voice comes out... from the phone... We on the same page yet?

I just need this prescription filled
Okay, have we ever filled for..... um... River before???
No
What is his birthday?
(Disgusted look) HER birthday is xx/xx/xx...
Oh sorry.... ( I thought River was a body of water, not a little girls' name)
I can't tell what sex a child is by their names anymore... please cut me a break if I get it wrong. Especially when the child you are holding is bald and wearing green and yellow... I can't tell!


Okay sir, your copay is $78.20
No it's not
Um... yes... your copay is $78.20, but it looks like that is going towards your deductible
No it isn't. I paid my deductible
Okay... well it is January and those start over every year so..... it's $78.20.
No it's not, it's never been that much before
Well... if you would like to hold off on picking up the prescription and get in contact with your insurance company that is up to you.
Mumble mumble.... sons of mumble mumble....
Just because you tell me "No" doesn't mean that it changes the price of your prescription... I have no idea what your deductible is, when it restarts or why they changed your formulary... I work for the pharmacy... not your insurance company


Your prescription is ready... $5.00
Can I get this stuff back here? ( Pointing to overflowing cart containing thousands of items)
(Staring at the three people behind her and listening to the phone ring behind me)
Is there any way I could have you take that up front, we are really busy
But I only have one check!
Okay.... 'beep'... 'beep'... 'beep'.....
Oh wait, I don't want that, that is supposed to have a coupon, that's not the right price...
This is why I DON'T WORK IN THE STORE... take this crap up front and quit wasting my time!

You have a $3.00 copay
What?! I have NEVER had a copay before!!
Well you are no longer pregnant and Medicaid now has a copay...
But I am pregnant
(Staring at newborn child in her arms) Um... Didn't you just have your baby... the date of birth says xx/xx/xx
Yeah, but I am pregnant again
Oh good God, like that is really what you needed... Birth control perhaps?

Ma'am, your insurance is rejecting your prescription (for 240 Lortab 5/500)
What?! Why!?
It says you just picked them up a week ago
Well I didn't!
(20 minutes later)
Ma'am, the insurance said you just picked up 180 Lortab 10/500 seven days ago from Macey's
Oh yeah, I did. But that was from my other doctor for my back, these ones are for my knee pain
Pain meds work all over, your narcs for your back will work for your knee... don't screw with me lady...


(Whispering) I need to buy a Plan B
Okay, I need your ID.... that'll be $50
(Yelling) Oh my God, that's expensive!
Yes, but not more expensive than a baby or a monthly copay for birth control... oh yeah, you can buy condoms for WAY cheaper than that as well... have a good day!