Fun Things to do When You're Prego...

1. Go to the liquor store- The scuzzy looks alone are worth it- I can buy wine/beer for other people ya know! I may even, GASP, cook with it!
I was almost tempted to say something like "Where's your cigarettes?"
2. Grab huge belly and say "Whoa!" just to freak out the jerk who just tried to cut you off in the Target checkout line.
3. Use it as an excuse... "You want a 9½ month pregnant woman to drive in a blizzard to DirecTV's billing office to fix something that YOU should have never done in the first place?" "Uh, no ma'am- I can fix it over the phone" That's what I thought! (PS, this is the only time I used my pregnancy as a way to get something- after 1½ hours and 2 different people on the phone, I felt it was warranted)
4. Eat a completely disgusting meal with no regrets: Pistachios, grapes, nachos and SweeTarts was one such combination. (I eat a very healthy and balanced diet otherwise- don't judge me!)
5. Record your husband's face when the midwife says you are dilated to 4cm and may have a baby by the end of the weekend... Priceless!
6. Punch the ten thousandth person who tells you that you: Look too small for how pregnant you are, Don't look old enough to be pregnant (I'm 27 ya'all), Shouldn't be working this far into your pregnancy, Should really have a name picked out by now OR gives you any other stupid, inane and otherwise unsolicited advice about your fetus.
7. Tell people fake names you are thinking about giving your child so they stop asking you. "Yep, we just really feel like Thor is a really strong name"
8. When someone nervously asks you how far along you are, deadpan say "I'm not pregnant" and walk away.
9. When someone judges your diet, "I never ________ when I was pregnant!" Kindly point out that they probably shouldn't be eating that cheeseburger/fries/shake combo now that they aren't pregnant.
10. Tell your husband you've changed your mind regarding circumcision :)